Superstars Contestants

Name: Ian 'The Brunchbox' Taylor
Age: 29
Profile: Originally having had a long discussion with the local Mafia (the Batford Badboy Crew) about a Seria A style Superstars fixing arrangement it was decided just too risky with the overbearing influence of head honcho Sepp Catta examining the finite detail of every event. Therefore now back from warm weather training with Justin Gatlan in Majorca the reigning Champ is looking to make his mark in Superstars history with a secong summer title on the trot.
Joker round: 100m
Chances: First or second
Official odds: evens fav

Name: Ronan 'The Ginger Nugget' O'Mahony
Age: 28
Profile: Fitness has been a problem for Ronan all season, with the red hot heat taking it out of his chiselled Irish frame. Still the crowd's favourite, and the competitor all his rivals love to hate. If Taylor isn't allowed to use his spikes this year, he may be in with a shout!
Joker round: xxx
Chances: Two main factors will determine his chances. The heat, and Taylor's spikes. If it stays muggy, and Taylor stays in trainers, expect a close competition.
Official odds: 3/1

Name: Rob 'Best Competitor Yet To Win Superstars' White
Age: 29
Profile: Has put on a bit more weight since last year's event (approximately two ounces), which should help his drive on the 7th hole of the golf. Rob has also been training with greyhounds at Walthamstow for the 100 metre race. Moreover, doing press-ups with bricks on his back and running up and down the Post Office Tower several times can only enhance his chances in the gym tests.
Joker round: Gym tests
Chances: Dropped significantly since the re-introduction of Taylor, wanker. However, nothing that a couple of squirts of rohypnol into his Fosters shandy on the 4th August followed by an up-all-night session with Matt Arrowsmith can't sort out. Taking this into account I think a bicycle race would be an important event to include.
Official odds: 6/1

Name: Oliver 'Back Door' O'Mahony
Age: 30
Profile: The second oldest in the field, this thirty-something could feel the strain this year as younger competitors up the ante. Is the joint favourite of the outsiders due to a suprisingly strong finish in 2005, but is unlikely to be the highest placed O'Mahony this time around.
Joker round: Basketball
Chances: Better than some, but won't be troubling the leaders.
Official odds: 12/1

Name: Paul 'The Baldy Man' Murphy
Age: 32
Profile: Another year older. Another kilo heavier. Another inch on the waist. Another chance to be humiliated by Taylor the Superman and his six side kicks. This chump knows when he's been beaten.
Joker round: Pool
Chances: Third time lucky? No chance.
Official odds: 12/1

Name: John 'The Cat' Catterfeld
Age: 28
Profile: This fierce competitor know his favoured competition (Winter Superstars) and will continue to go on about it (Winter Superstars) as he clearly has no hope of emulating his Winter triumphs in the summer discipline. Would love to win Summer Superstars (to add to his Winter titles) but recognises this is well beyond his means.
Joker round: Darts
Chances: After a very disappointing 2005 he is looking for the Most Improved title and to finish top 'without the big three'.
Official odds: 16/1

Name: Ross 'The Boy' Lane
Age: 27
Profile: After a refusal from the 'Great Overweight One' to extend the puny 600m course to a far more manly 3,000m, The Boy is feeling slightly hard done by. Only when a truly independent organiser takes over will this really be a fair competition. After intensive work on the golf course, the first event may just be his best this year.
Joker round: 3,000m (if only)
Chances: Stronger than you think (although Nick isn't competing this year, is he?)
Official odds: 16/1

Name: Theo 'Wooden Spoon' O'Mahony
Age: 24
Profile: Brian Jacks, Kevin Keegan and Brian Hooper are all name that conjure images of Superstars champions and heroes. Eddie The Eagle and Eric the Eel conjure different sporting images. Remember, it's the taking part that counts.
Joker round: xxx
Chances: Zero squared.
Official odds: 50/1